Even though I am the unoffical biographer of this A Home Without Walls journey, I come to a stand still when I finally have a chance to sit down to write an entry. There are moments where my mind goes blank and I cannot think upon the things that we have learned as a collective. In many ways, that is a good and bad thing. Good: Abba (God) is teaching us lessons everyday and teaching us in different ways to our own person. Bad: I cannot not write a full post without debating on what the subject matter should be about.
However, these last few weeks had brought up one particular subject that I would care to share on this post, after I back track through the events in the week.
There is not much to report about our events, mainly because it has been about work. Mom, Charlie, Sara and myself have been working non-stop. Because three of us work in retail, with Thanksgiving on the way and Black Friday around the corner, the retail world has been buzzing like busy bees. Charlie herself has been giving an interview with the company that I currently work for. I know she would love working for this retail as much as I have.
Mother has met a struggle in her own personal work life at the moment. She has decided to embark into a journey back to her previous proffession which was accounting. She, however, plans to keep both this job and the other. I understand where she is coming from, since I too will be embarking on a full time and part time job juggling pretty soon.
It is amazing to me, as I write this entry, how dark the times were when we first left our home with walls. The three out of four of us had no job to speak of and the other was only making minimum wage. Even at that time, we smiled and felt the joy of the Lord in our hearts. We knew fully well that he was going to care for us no matter what. If we fast forward to the present 21st of October, we would see three individuals with a full time job and a part time job as well. Truly amazing how God works. He has given us six jobs between us three.
During this time of soul searching, Sara has stepped forward with her own dream she would like to see come into reality. In the coming year, she plans to attend school for Ranch Management. She has always had a love for horse and on her spare time she has conducted a lot of research into them. Realizing this dream is a large step for Sara, since she has always had a battle in her mind in what she should be doing in her job life. I pray this goes well for her.
One of the matters that we all faced this weeks has been the love of items. Little did we know, even living in the woods and out of cars, that we had given into the love of gathering items like most humans do. Yet, being the presence of God himself, we came to an understanding of the damned love when the subject was brought up about my coat.
The story about the coat is simple: since I was fifteen, I've had this long coat that I loved dearly. Every tear, rip or stain, I took care of myself. I have made so many alterations to this coat that custom fit me personally. So, when the weather changed and I was in need of a warm coat, I thought of grabbing my lost Priest (nickname of the coat) from the storage room. I searched and found many of my other dearly loved coats, but no Priest.
On the day I searched for the lost coat, I became enraged at the failed attempt to find it. I was so enraged, in fact, I nearly fell into a car wreck on my way home from the storage room. As I pulled over to the side to catch my breath, I prayed to Abba for guidance. A sudden realization came to mind: Why am I so worried about getting one coat, when I have plenty to keep me warm?
I shared my revalation with my family and they too shared the same trouble. Little did we know that we had traveled back to our past love of items that it was beginning to disturb the peace we withheld in our hearts. We may not have coveted others like we did so many times in the past, but we wanted to relish in the things we already had without thanking God for the comfort of them and not placing him higher than those things. Gaining these items had become a goal higher than the purpose that God brought us out here to do.
So, why do we search for meaningless items, when we have something of use? Why should we get "bent out of shape" when God has already given us what we need? When you look around your home, or tent, do you not realize the things you have are the things you need? You do not need to search for items that only suit, or custom, fit your wants and needs. God has already stepped in before hand and gave you something that will comfort you. In my case, he had already sent plenty of warm jackets for me this fall; so why should I grow angry and cause a wreck to get what I want?
In some way, the only answer is this: We are bratty children that desire what we want then and there. Our desires might change from day to day, but when we desire it, we actually believe that it will be so amazing and our lives will be forever perfect.
While in search for their own hoodies and coats this past Sunday, Mom and Sara stumbled on my beloved Priest. I praised God and thanked him for both that jacket and the others he sent just for me.
As more jobs enter our lives, the threat of spending more money than we should pay our debts comes into reality. We have found that we are eating out more and I know I have been spending more on coffee than I should.
I have taken it upon myself to keep an inventory on the food and disposable items that we contain. I plan to use this inventory as a weapon against that threat. We need to go back to basics with our income and pay only our debt after we gain what we really need. For example: Charlie and I plan to turn to instant coffee out at the camp site to avoid getting coffee from the McDs down the highway. Even though the small coffees there are only a dollar, seven dollars a week will add up quickly. With only a can of instant coffee, plus sugar and creamer, we will only be spending three dollars every week.
Our first struggle was to face the wild with no money, now we face the wild with money. To be honest, the first one was far easier than the other. Yet, as we pray to Abba (God) for guidence, I know that we will learn a greater lesson: God will always provide even when you think that you have more money to provide for yourself.
--Night
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