There is a moment of laughter, a moment of tears and a moment of fear, but either way, if you are in tune to Abba (God), then you realize that there is a comfort in your current situation. As Christians, we believe that once you accept God into your life, everything becomes perfect. Naturally, it isn't. There are going to be trials and victory throughout your life. Like in a classroom, you are going to excell in some courses but in others you struggle, (because most of us struggle with math) and you fail a few tests before realizing you need a tutor for extra help. You need someone that understands the math problem. So, because we realize life is not going to be "perfect" we design our lives to be "perfect" and lie about what is really happening in us. We hide the tears and the fear; we hide the anger and depression; we hide what we truly feel.
Mother told me this experience she had one morning, one of the coldest mornings we have had living in a home without walls:
One morning she awoke, waking up at her usual biological alarm clock set to six a.m. During this time, we could not afford sleeping in the campsite, so we were out in our vehicles in the parking lot. And, as part of her daily routine, Mom woke to read some scripture and had a time for prayer before delighting herself in her personal pool of memories.
On this particular morning, Mom's memories travled back to her ex-husband, my biological father, Josh (Alias) and my aunt Lisa (Alias). Fantasies fluttered in her mind of Josh, now married and making good money, living in a warm house and sleeping soundly. She thought of her sister Lisa and how she was sleeping with food in her stomach and comfort surrounding her home. To give a little excerpt about these two and how they have effected my mother's life, betrayal, lies and harsh judgement in the form of hurtful words exist between my mother and these two. These two close individuals had done and said things that hurt my family.
I do want to take a moment to give both Josh and Lisa credit that there are two sides to the story and I am certain they hold different feelings towards my family, but again I would have to say that I can only understand my side of the story and it will be the version I write. However, I will refrain from that explaination and leave the history in the past.
My mother began to start tear up. "Why me?" She asked God. "Why did I deserve this?" She turned to see my younger sister, Charlie, sleeping next to her in the passenger side of the small car, covered in a thick blanket. Her heart felt heavy and sad, comparing her life to those that have hurt her.
God reached out and touched her heart. His gentle words gave her comfort. "It's okay ... You can cry. I know you know that everything will be alright. I know that you trust me. Let it out, but know that I am here."
Sad, happy, angry, scared and even depressed, God realizes we are in need to expose our emotions. In truth we can hide our troubles and thoughts from our human bretheren, but not from the creator who knows the hearts and minds of every man on earth.
Even though I could go on and on about how much God knows about us, let me put it into an example:
When a child falls onto the ground, right after a nasty stumble, the child's eyes fill with liquid fear and pain. The ideal parent, granted not one of the parents today, would run out, kneel down to wrap their arms around the child and inspect them. If you would imagine this in your mind, what words would you think parent would say? I hear the words, "What happened? Where does it hurt?"
Can the child answer in a solid voice without blubbering up and crying? No. The child sobs and tries to point out where is hurts. Perhaps the parent had seen where the child had fallen and there is comfort to know that there is no serious damage, however the parent automaticaly fears and inspects the child, asking what happened? Where does it hurt.
You stumble, you fall, you scrape your knee, God hugs you and asks what happened? Where does it hurt? He then proceeds to do what the ideal parent does; he comforts you and tells you not to cry.
Many would take what I have just written and say, "But God is in control of everything. If he is in control of everything, why does he kill, harm or make life hard on us all? I guess God just wants us to look to him after what he does to us."
Consider the rest of my mother's experience:
The next morning, my mother awoke to get dressed in the fast food diner's restroom a few blocks away. After a good "spit-bath," Mom drove to work on that cold morning. As she stopped at a red light, she noticed the heavy frozen dew on the lawn in front of an office; like green crystals growing out of the ground.
"I was apart of that. I experienced what that dew. I felt the cold the night before." She told me. "I was apart of nature. If I wasn't going through what we are going through now, I wouldn't have experience all the great things that God has shown me. This dew had fallen last night and, if I was in a warm house, I wouldn't have noticed it. I would have looked at it as nothing important. But, I saw it ... Like crystals growing."
Plugged into the social media, constant worrying about keeping appearances and wishing for material goods, we tend to miss the wonderful things that happen around us. We miss the awesome formations the clouds make or the crystal dew that lands on the grass. Just like water dew gathering on the blades of grass and freezing due to the temperature, our emotions are normal. It is okay to lean into God's shoulder and let it all out. It's okay to tell him that we feel broken or wronged. It's okay to feel sad, just as it is okay to feel happy or joyous.
Sometimes the struggle we encounter forces us to seek out a tutor to help us understand that we over analyze the situation. All we need is a different perspective.
--Night
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