10/1/2013

It is the first of October, the beginning of Fall. Leaves start to turn brown and fall; cloudy and cold days by a fire with a book; a tobacco pipe in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other. Halloween approaches and churches run in fear; Thanksgiving arrives and Halloween lovers complain. In East Texas, it means that there is going to be a day when you wear a heavy coat in the morning and then manage to get down into a tank top by evening.

I personally love the Fall over all seasons, I believe that everyone loves it about the same. Even living A Home Without Walls, I still cannot shake this smile off my face when I see the Fall leaves fall onto my car/home at the moment.

I understand that my posts have been short here lately, not that I am excusing myself, but I have been writing on my phone. I am going to try to get on the laptop more in order to spill more beans about what we are facing out here.

Charlie and I have been living in the Walmart parking lot in Tyler Texas. I have been living in a truck while she has been staying in the car. We have met so many people out in the temp area we are living in at the moment. Over the course of two weeks, Charlie and I have encountered others in the same situation, employees that face hunger on a daily basis and many birds sqawking us awake.

With thirteen bucks in our wallet, we look forward to this week eating only bread and peanut butter. The local Dollar Tree has gallons of water for only a dollar, which comes in handy when you live right in front of them.

There have not been any questions made to us about the situation we are in, however there are many eyes upon us everyday. I am not certain if it is because we are constantly worried when someone will walk up and point fingers at us, or if it is the natural curiousity that people have. Either way, I let it be known that we are just trying to live our lives and conducting in the lessons of God. Yet, Charlie and I have been lucky, no one has "shooed" us away from our sleeping spot; Mom and Sara have not.

I am uncertain if I wrote about this particular moment last week, but if I did, I want to go into more detail.

Mom and Sara have employment in Jacksonville, a mere forty minutes from where we stay at the moment. Because we lack the funds for them to drive back and forth between Tyler and Jacksonville, the two have decided to stay in the town close to their jobs. These means the removal of local sources we are used to: Showers at the Wildlife Park; Walmart or Dollar Tree; the McDonalds. Yet, the stay to save what money they can.

Last week, Mom and Sara rolled into the rest stop they have been sleeping in for a few nights. The place was marked as a rest stop and right next to the little building that houses restrooms for the rest stop is the Sheriff's department. Naturally, the two women felt they were safe being that law enforcement sat next to them.

One night, last week, a member of the department walked out to them and asked them why they were out in the stop every night. Instead of using the words "homeless," Mom and Sara told the officer that they drive back and forth from Jacksonville and Tyler at times, but for this week they planned to live in the car to save gas. Without sounding commanding, the officer asked questions with a scoff like: "Don't you get a paycheck?" "Why don't you get a place here in Jacksonville?" "Don't you have any friends that can help you out?"

I understood what he meant, because I used to ask the same questions to people in situations like ours. There is that moment of thinking how "better off you are than they are" or "By the grace of God, there go I." I remember watching people how looked like they haven't seen a day's meal in weeks and thinking to myself, "Why can't they just get a job?" It is in human nature to judge people, we do it whether we saying it out loud or not. This was what this man was going through and I do not judge him being human. However, what the man did next changed the course of my thinking and will do so for the rest of my life. I hope it does for you.

"You can't stay here. I know you aren't causing trouble and you need a place to rest, but you can't stay here." His words slice through my heart everyday, and what's worse is that I can hear them retold through a crying Mother over the phone.

My mother's spirit wasn't the same after that, in fact, she sobbed most of those days in that week. A man decorated with the uniform to protect people had just told these two innocent women, "I don't want you here and I don't care where you go."

After that, my mother constantly worries when someone will walk up and knock on her window just to judge her and cast her to the side. In many ways, it reminds me of what our family did to us. I am so glad that God sent Sara with her, because without that woman's strength and "I don't give a damn" attitude, Mom would have broken down in that week.

God sent them a place to stay now and the two have been enjoying it. Of course, they found a public swimming lake nearby where they have been taking "spit baths" (Does not require spit, but a wet wash rag and soap) and washing their hair.

Charlie and I have encountered a situation on that very same week that I would like to share with you.

One night, as Charlie and I prepared for the next day with my interview at Suddenlink and Mom and Sara's weekend visit, a man drove up in a silver mini-van. He was riding with his elderly mother. The two stopped and the man leaned called to me from the driver's side looking at me through the passenger side where his mother sat.

"Excuse me, sir? My mother and I are in some trouble. Our electricity is going to be shut off and I need to get it turned back on to keep the cool going for my Mom."

My heart went out to them. This happened after the awful story my own mother told me over the phone about the officer.

I walked up to the passenger side, glanced at his mother and then back to the man. Here I was, a man with two bucks in his pocket to survive on for four more days with my kid sister relying on me. I wanted to lie to him, but I couldn't.

"My heart goes out to you man, but I really don't have any money. I have two bucks to my name at the moment and we are living in our vehicles just to save money." I pointed to the bags in the car. "I can't offer you much, but I will keep you in my prayers."

The man and his mother looked at our vehicles with surprise, I guess they didn't expect to find this about us. The man looked back to me with a nod. "Oh man, I didn't have any idea. Hey, listen, I'll keep you in my prayers too man."

I leaned in and shook both of their hands. "I really do hope it turns out good for you man."

He drove off and Charlie and I went about our business. We did vow not to tell Mother about this moment, because she would freak out about people stopping by.

As the night rolled on, Charlie and I ended up on the speaker phone talking to Sara and Mom. At some point, the very same man pulled up next to the truck and got out of his van. Charlie panicked, I did the same. He walked up to our window with a handful of singles.

"I score some money tonight, and I was ... Are you certain you have no money?" He asked me.

I nodded. "Oh I am certain about that."

He started to count out the money. "Well, you can have some of this man, because I don't want you to go without eating."

I couldn't believe it. The very same type of person that I once thought as poor or annoying was going to help me out. I nearly cried on the spot. After so many years of judging people like him, this child of God was offering me money. I used to stand over them with false pride and hugged my wallet in my back pocket. You can imagine the emotion I felt at the moment.

My mind went blank, which means God is taking control. I am basically an idiot when it comes down to saying wise words, so when I go blank, it means God has something to say.

"Don't worry about it man. You have to do what you have to do. I am grateful to hear that God has blessed you tonight, brother, but you need this more than me."

Charlie was shocked, but remained silent.

The man looked at me with shock as well. "Are you sure? We ... We got to take care of each other out here."

I smiled. "I hear ya brother, but listen, what is your name?"

"Ricky." (True name by the way.)

I held out my hand and shook his. "My name is Ray, and that is enough for me man. It is enough to meet another brother of God out in this jungle. You go and take care of what you need to and I will take care of mine. Just keep us in our prayers and we will be praying for you, that is how we should take care of each other, brother." (Note, I have never used the words Brother in my life.)

The man actually choked up. "Wow ... Man, you got me to tear up." He hesitatly walked away. "Ya'll have a good night, take care and God bless."

"Later man." I said, not knowing if I would ever seen Ricky again.

I later regreted turning down that cash, I could have gotten a hamburger over the crackers I was going to eat that night. (Joking, of course.)

Another situation that I have posted needs to be explained in minor detail. I say minor because this friend I am going to tell you about has a long history with us.

This passed weekened, Mom was looking over the bank accounts, a depressing moment for all of us. It was about to become time that our phones and car insurance were to be cut off. During this time, with Mom and Sara living in Jacksonville and Charlie and I in Tyler, we need that source of communication. Other debts started to attack our accounts as well, including a debt to a loan office that has been two weeks pass due.

Mom looked to me and said, "We need to call Jody."

Jody is my ex-step-father and long time off and on friend. When I was in my teens, he was my boss/friend, getting me lawn mowing jobs from locals in Edgewood Texas. I am not going into the long history between us, but at some point, after the fire, we had silenced all communications with Jody and continued to do so within this year. Now, if you asked me how I felt about Jody in my past, I would have used many colorful words (none good). I was an enraged youth and Jody was in my way at times. Jody is also a man filled with rage and each of the four of us bumped heads with him over the years Mom was married to him.

After the fire, however, almost all of our family members either judged us about the situation or just did not care. There was no one asking me how I was doing or if my family was alright. There were only two people that cared, my estranged cousin from my father's side of the family and Jody. Day after day, Jody called my mother as well as all of our phones to get a hold of us. I eventually convienced my mother to put a call block on him. It was then that he went to the local library in Canton to send us emails, which to his credit I have to applaud because Jody isn't a fan of technology.

He kept telling us he was always there and that if we needed anything just to call on him. At the time, I felt his pleas of wanting to help more annoying than nails on the chalk board, but giving the situation, I felt that a little annoyance was okay. We needed to call on him for a cash loan of five hundred dollars, not even a day's work at Old Navy.

There was another reason why I needed to call Jody. The man lived in our burned home as well, he bought it in fact. It was his home as well and he had to deal with the loss of the house. Granted, he did move out a few months prior to the fire, but he did live in it off and on with us. He deserved an explaination and a hug, in my opinion. (Me having that opinion, shows that I have made great stride out here.)

I called him and spoke about the loan, I left out what was going on. He told me how glad he was happy to hear from me and nearly broke into tears over the phone. I almost did the same. When I told him about the amount, he asked me if it was about the loan office that has a bill pass due.

"I paid that the other day, dude." Jody told me.

Without reason, or thought of benefit, this man went and paid our debt without telling us.

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

My mouth hit the floor. Here I was about to ask for more money. The debt he paid, including his own loan payment, was almost four hundred dollars. Which means I was about to ask him to pay five hundred dollars more.

We met in Athens on Sunday and had breakfast at, you guessed it, McDonalds in Athens. He shared what he was going through, not hearing from us and only getting to see the burnt house. I told him about what had happened after the fire up to the eviction, I didn't want to share any more about that.

You will have to understand that even though this is a personal blog about our life Without Walls, I do not wish to share anymore personal information about Jody and his relationship to this family. I will only state this man stepped out and cared for us when most people would only just cast us aside and say, "You don't belong here." This man, whether or not in his own reasons, handed me five hundred dollars in cash with a smile.

My own father, whom I haven't spoken with for two years now, doesn't really care what is happening in my life and isn't trying to find out if I am okay. Jody, an ex-step-father, cared just enough to keep emailing me and asking me if I was okay.

Sometimes, just having someone on the other end of the line saying, "I am here for you," is just enough to get through the day. We forget, in this rat race of life, that just caring enough to say, "Bro, you need me, I am there," can change someone's life. To have someone stop by and hold out a little bit of cash that they could use on an electric bill is just enough to show that there is some humanity left in this world. A smile, a handshake, or a hug could let the person know, "I am here for you." So many times in my own personal life, I rejected that call. I hated the thought of reaching out and touching someone. I never wanted to think that someone was on the same level as I was. Yet, as I look up at the tall expensive towers of this small town in East Texas, I realize that all we do is create idols in our minds; sometimes of other people, most of the time of ourselves. Even though doing that is a sin against God, it also drives us away from the people we should be relying on.

From now on, when I see someone in need, I won't always think of Ricky, but of my Mother and Sister. I will see their tired eyes and messed up hair. I won't be the person that says, "You don't belong here," because they do belong here just as much as I do. When you really think about it, you cannot cast out someone you care for, but you can to a total stranger. Yet, if you honestly look at them, they are someone close to you, they are a brother and sister in Christ. They are our family. Sure, there are going to be "bad apples." There are going to be people going to take advantage of you and run all over you, but learning to tell between the people who care and the people only care for themselves is a talent you gain through the wisedom of God.

The events for today? Well, I aimed to write a more heartfelt blog post than I have been doing, so I guess I check that off my list. Charlie, at the moment, is drawing some awesome illustrations in her notebook of wonder. We are killing time on our day off, because tomorrow I go in to do my paper work at Suddenlink and will have to work at my dear Old Navy store. If you want to hang out and spend some time talking about our amazing Father in heaven and share your life's story, head down to the McDs in Tyler Texas. We will welcome you with open arms and loving hearts to our family in loving Christ Jesus.

--Night